I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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