So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
