Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
