why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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