What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
