Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
