so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize