Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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