i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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