my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
