Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
