I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She said her name was "party"
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
