she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
