I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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