there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Randomize
