i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I am in a vortex of obligation.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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