he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
