Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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