Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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