I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My underwear smells like fireworks.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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