So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
