So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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