i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
