there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize