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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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