Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
