Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
