we have officially lost it.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
