Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
