I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
