I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
