I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
3 2 1 whiskey
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
