I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
