You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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