I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well I just put wine in my tea
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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