Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You made out with two different species that night
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
