everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
