Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
