Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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