Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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