fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
