We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
