I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
