Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
