I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
