"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
