we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
