Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I am in a vortex of obligation.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
