Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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