you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm sobbing to NWA
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
