6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
