Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
