You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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