I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize