now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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