I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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