I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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