turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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