She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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