he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
