I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My nipple is on Facebook.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
