i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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