I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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