Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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