he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Life is so much better after having sex.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
