I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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