you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
