I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize