It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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