he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
