did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
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