I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
