so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
