Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
