I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
