i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
