I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
