if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
