are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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