Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
