So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
