i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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