Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
