It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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